A few months ago I was approached by the President of Sisters by Heart, a non profit organization that offers hope and support to HLHS families, to work together towards supporting grieving families within the Sisters by Heart family. I was honored to be asked and immediately started working with them on creating a page on their website dedicated to families of the bereaved. Soon after, 'Hope After Loss' was established.
I, along with a fellow angel mom Teri, will post blogs periodically that relate to the grieving world in hopes to provide some hope and support to those families. I have decided to also publish those blogs here in the event that they may serve as support to other grieving families- not just those connected with SBH. I also thought it would be a great opportunity with each post to share some photos of Hayden I haven't ever shared before.
~Hope After Loss~
In November of 2011, my unborn son was diagnosed with HLHS.
Soon after, I received a care package from Sisters by Heart and it was and
still is something I will always remember. I remember the hope that package
gave me- in a time I felt so alone- so hopeless and helpless. I remember
reading about some of the founders heart warriors and found hope in knowing
that even though these children had open heart surgeries and spent months in
the hospital, they were making it and thriving and that gave me so much hope
that my child would be ok through this too.
But….what happens when your HLHS’er dies??
Because as unthinkable as it may be, it happens- and it
happened to me.
That particular hope is gone. A large piece (if not all) of
your life and heart is gone with that child and you are once again left with
feeling hopeless that life will ever go on for you and your heartbroken family.
Sisters by Heart wants to continue to provide those grieving
families with HOPE and support- not the same hope as before- how could it be-
but with a new sense of hope as you and your family try to navigate through
this unbearable new journey and life you have been unwillingly thrown into.
My son has been gone since 2012- so please know it took me
some time to get where I am- and please take your time- but there is hope that
down the road you will survive an entire day without crying, that you will have
happy days- not just happy moments. There is hope that you will smile again-
really truly smile again. There will come a time when you will see some child
that should be the same age as your child and not want to turn the other way
sobbing in tears- but instead gaze at them with a half smile on your face
imagining that is instead your child running through those sprinklers on a very
hot summer day. And then the next time you see a child the same age you may
need to walk away in tears- and that’s perfectly ok. But there is hope that someday you will take
a deep breath without your chest hurting as you try to inhale. You will drive
pass the funeral home without breaking out in tears. You will find an old syringe
under the fridge and smile. You will somehow survive this. It will be the
hardest form of survival on the planet - and we are all a work in progress- but
there is hope that you will somehow survive.
Because though you’ve been dealt life’s greatest tragedy
that exists, your warrior left behind with you the greatest gift. Because of
what you and your child went through you will never again take one day for
granted. You will appreciate every single moment of your own, your other children’s’
or loved ones lives. You know what it is like to go through and experience the
most unimaginable pain- and so you love and live harder than anyone you know.
And along with this gift left for you, there is also hope that
life will become bearable again someday. It will never be the same- it may ever
feel full or make sense- and of course will never be what you had planned it out
to be- but there is hope that you will one day have more good days than bad-
more smiles than tears.
Please know while you try to figure out a way to get to this
point, and even once you have reached it, we are here to support one another and
are here to provide love and care for your broken heart.
