FIGHTING THE HEART WAR WITH LOVE.

thankful~

27 November 2013



Like anyone who celebrates thanksgiving, I too reflect on what I am thankful for. Last year I tried to reflect on things I was thankful for, and while there were plenty, I couldn't get past the fact that Hayden was gone- and shouldn't be- and so therefore in my mind there was no one to thank, and nothing to be thankful for. I've come a long way in a year I think- and even though I am still weaving in and out of the stages of grief and have not yet felt any part of the acceptance stage, I do believe that I have grown and my grief has changed. I will always miss Hayden- he will always be the one thing missing from my every day. Holidays will always have a sad part to them because he will never be here with our family. Watching Jackson and his (soon to be born) baby brother grow up will always be a blessing, but there will be a part of my insides that sheds a tear knowing Hayden will never do the things that they will here on earth. 
All of that being said, Hayden did more on this earth than any other 5 month old I know- he taught us all the value of importance in life and I remind myself of that every day. So this year and moving forward I will try very hard to focus on, and be thankful for the time I had with sweet Hayden and continue to celebrate the amazing things he did achieve in his short time here. 

So this year I am thankful for... (and in no particular order)
*my one of a kind 4 and a half year old (because at his age, the 'half' is huge!) who takes better care of me than I do myself. 
*this blessing of a baby growing in my belly- and for the new found connection I feel between this baby and Hayden, making me feel an extreme connection to him as well. He is truly, without a doubt, a combo gift from God and Hayden. 
*my hard working and patient husband who takes such great care of our family, even though I don't tell him nearly enough. 
*the continued support of my exceptional friends and family of which I have always been thankful for and know how blessed I am in that area. 
*and for you, Hayden- for the extreme love we shared in the incredibly short time we were given together. And for continuing to show me that you really are always with me- just like I tell Jackson every day that even though Hayden is gone and we are sad, he will always be with us in our hearts. 

1 comment :

  1. I feel your pain and love for Hayden. Your grief has been palpable, and I'm glad you have grown with it, painful has it may be. May your family and your heart bring you continued solace and well-being.

    ReplyDelete


DEDICATED TO HAYDEN JETER DORSETT
3.12.12 - 8.16.12

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