lucky + blessed...

06 June 2014

Since Hayden died, the last thing I would label myself as is 'blessed' or 'lucky', How could either of those be true when Hayden is gone? How could anyone possibly see my life as blessed?? It is anything but blessed. My child died. My life was shattered. It was definitely not blessed. Or lucky.
Or is it- and I just didn't want to hear it- because hearing it would be believing it and that just wasn't possible.
Monday we had our first New Jersey Golf Tournament for Hayden's Heart. Like any other event, leading up was a stressful worry of how many people would show up.  But the week before the event we added up the teams and to our surprise we had a total of 17 foursomes- we were thrilled!! The day of the event, as everyone was loading into their golf carts, Rob and I thanked everyone for coming out today and wished them all luck and were anxious to hear all about it at the luncheon afterwards!
They carts started pulling away and I stood there with Hudson in his carrier smiling and waving yelling have fun! to all the carts as they passed me. And then the tears started welling up and I kept thinking hold it together until they are all gone- and I did. But not a second after they passed me I turned to Rob and hugged him with tears starting to flow. The feelings that I was experiencing were so overwhelming- 68 people came out to golf- many we didn't even know- some who never golfed before- all taking the day off to help us- to show their support. I was just floored once again by the impact Hayden had and continues to have on people.
I left soon after registration to get home, feed Hudson and go pick Jackson up from school and head back in a couple hours for the luncheon afterwards.  On my way home I kept smiling and crying- thinking over and over again how LUCKY and BLESSED we are to have so many people supporting us. This whole foundation idea I had a year and a half ago could have completely flopped. And yes, we put a lot of work into making sure that doesn't happen on our end, BUT without support where would we be? Without 68 golfers and 15 sponsors that day, we wouldn't have had a tournament and been able to send the Mudd family a support check. Without the 28 people who purchased cinch sacs during the month of May, we wouldn't be able to put a smile on 28 tots at CHOP this summer.
Without all of you- this would not be. My goal in life to honor and remember Hayden through his legacy, Hayden's Heart, would not be possible. So- am I lucky that Hayden died? Of course not- but I now can see I am so lucky and blessed that while he was here, he impacted the world in such a way that no one will ever forget him and his fight. And through that amazing journey he had, we will now be able to help heart families all over the world in his memory and honor because of all of you and your ongoing-never ending support.  Thank you for allowing me to see that even though there was a time that I would never entertain the idea or those words- I am lucky and blessed and it is because of all of you.

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